Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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