you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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