Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
