i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
