i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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