I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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