Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize