brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
