We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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