He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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