about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
