We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
where are my eyebrows?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
