He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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