It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
