Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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