After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
