dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
