dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
