I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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