I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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