i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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