playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
