so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
