If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
