Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
