I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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