The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
