you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
