Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
