He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
