yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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