Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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