it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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