loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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