I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
