that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
