I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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