I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
