This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we made out on top of his cat.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
