She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
