You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is it penis luge time yet?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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