well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
