drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
