But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
