i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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