I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
