It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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