this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
