our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
