with your own penis?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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