ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
