hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
