Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
