this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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