the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
