If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
