So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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