Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
