She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
