I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
