Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
