also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
