I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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