Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
please come you make the beer taste better
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
