I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Found the puke drawer
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
