I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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