I can text with my tongue
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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