Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
