I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
