I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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