oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize